Say What You Want to Say

If I were to take my filter off and say what I really wanted to say about Domestic Violence and abuse, it would reach out and touch people I love and care about. It would maybe even come across as harsh and judging and possibly hypocritical, I’m not even perfect, after all I grew up in an imperfect world and I know how hard it is to change and break away from how we were raised. If I were to state what we needed to do to stop abuse and violence, it would go something like this:

Stop Shaming

We often times other people for not being like us, in our culture, our religion, our work, our schools and even our families. I had a friend who recently posted four words on her Facebook page that really hit me hard THIS IS NOT THAT. This person is not that person, this relationship is not that relationship, this situation is not that situation. It amazes me that we are living in a world where so much changes so quickly, and yet we expect others to be just like us. It’s okay if someone doesn’t worship the same religion the same way you do, or a different religion, or no religion at all. It’s okay if someone is gay or straight or anywhere under the rainbow of the sexual preference umbrella. It is okay if someone is a different culture or race than you. All of that is what makes us beautiful, and your Higher Power (whoever that may be for you) loves us all just the same, in fact, all the Higher Powers are on the same team, and why wouldn’t they be? The truth is, as we love and accept other people for who they are (which really is all we want other people to do with us), that’s when we see miracles happen and that’s what brings us closer to a world of no abuse.

What are the Messages You are Sending Your Kids?

I see parents yell at their kids all the time. You are affecting your kids on a daily basis of who they will become as adults and what they will do to seek out filling those needs you are pushing aside by yelling and degrading them. Kids are not doing things on purpose to bug or bother or hurt their parents. Kids are simply trying to get their needs met, if you choose to instead meet those needs and take the harder road of you by to meet those needs in healthier ways, you will raise healthier children and as a result, do your part to change the world for the better.

Give up the Porn. Really

Really I’ve heard so many excuses trying to rationalize porn. ‘It’s good for the relationship.’My significant other is okay with it.’ Stop. Just stop making excuses. Stop rationalizing. What does porn do? It puts up unrealistic expectations. It damages relationships. It and how the brain works. Would you want your daughter performing Porn? Then why do you watch other people do it? Do you want your significant other to feel wanted and loved? Do you want to feel wanted and loved? Then .

Figure Out Who You Are and What You Want First

Take time to really love you and know what you want. Spend time with you. Get to be your own best friend BEFORE you get into a relationship. It’s okay to be alone. Take yourself out. Spoil yourself. Buy yourself presents. This is especially true if you are coming out of an abusive relationship. Please, I know part of you will want to jump right into another relationship, and I also know taking time off of relationships is doable, it is affordable, it is a worth making.

Give Up Social Rules

A mother and daughter we preparing for a Holiday dinner together. The mother cut the ends off their holiday ham and placed it in the pan and then in the oven. Watching her mother the daughter asked ‘Mom, why do you cut the ends off the ham?’ ‘I don’t know, the mom replied, it’s the was Grandma always did it, let’s call her and ask her.’ They picked up the phone and made the call only to find out the reason Grandma always cut the ens off the ham was simply because the whole ham would not fit in the baking dish she had. Are there things we believe and say and do as a society that pattern this? Start being aware and paying attention of the things we could change and begin that change with you.

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