Ive had my fair share of relationships and break ups. At 31 I’ve been married and divorced and dating and a single parent. I’ve learned a lot from these experiences.
We’ve all heard dating isn’t about finding the right one, it’s about becoming the right one, these tips will help you do just that.
1. Look for the Silver Linings
Every relationship you are in, you learn more about yourself, about others, about relationships. Look for the wins and the lessons rather than the losses and the failures.
2. Get off the Merry-Go-Round
When you mess up and experience something that causes a break up, a similar situation will come up in the next relationship, (or even in the same relationship over and over again) will you do the same thing again, or will you react differently?
3. Be True. Be You!
You have to learn what you don’t want in order to know what you do want. Stop going by what others tell you you should and should not want, figure it out for yourself.
4. Would you Date you?
Always always work on you whether single or in a relationship. Give yourself the gift of growth, opportunity and me time.
5. Listen Up
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. This is key and perhaps even the most important component to a happy and healthy relationship. Be vulnerable, express your feelings and thoughts, your dreams and fears, your worries and hopes.
6. Don’t Judge
Honor your partner, where they are coming from and where they are now. It’s not your job to change them, it’s your job to love them for who they are.
7. Who Are You?
Stop letting your relationship be all consuming. Have your own hobbies and interests, allow your partner to have their own hobbies and interests. Spend time apart.
8. Words Matter
Speak positively about your partner and to your partner. What you speak about, you bring about. Stop teasing with harsh words or degrading jokes. Words stick. (Be aware of your tone too! The way you say what you say makes a difference).
9. Use declarations
Wake up every morning and declare how much you love yourself, how much you love your partner, how much you love your kids, and how beautiful your life is. It’ll help you be open to seeing the good day to day.
10. Monkey See Monkey Do
Be aware of what your kids learn, hear, see and experience. What are you modeling for them?
11. Do the work
It’s worth it! Having a loving and committed relationship doesn’t just happen, you have to make sacrifices. If you want a spouse, kids and a beautiful home, you can’t also have a girlfriend/boyfriend and go out partying every night.
12. Seek out learning and help constantly.
And stop expecting your partner to do the same or do it with you. It’s okay for you to learn all you can, they will benefit from your knowledge naturally. (I love books, podcasts, classes etc).
Keep repeating yourself if you have to. People are ready to hear certain things at certain times. Stop getting caught up on I already told you that once (stay away from taking it too far and being a nag either). Realize your partner sees and experiences the world differently from you and that’s okay. In fact, it’s a good thing. Think of all you can learn from and teach each other.
14. Be forgiving. Be forgiven.
We all mess up we all make mistakes, in fact, we’re supposed to. Forgive your partner, forgive yourself. Relationships are going to bring up a lot of stuff. That’s what they are designed for. If you choose to see ‘problems’ in relationships as ‘learning experiences’ instead, new doors will open for you that you never saw possible.