I lay on my bed alone as my husband was in the front room watching tv, yet again, I was going to bed without him. My heart yearned to feel loved and cherished rather than an object or convenience.
My mind was slowly meandering and I settled on questioning why the man I was married to acted the way he did and treated me poorly. I began to pray:
“Please Heavenly Father, I am doing everything I know how to do, I am a good person, I go to church, I read scriptures, I pray, I pay tithing, I attend the temple, I am doing everything right, I was promised a good marriage to a good man in my Patriarchal Blessing. Please, please, please just change my husband, it has to be better than this, I can do even better, I can be even more perfect if you’ll just change him”
My emotions felt as if they were pouring out of my heart as I begged, at that time I didn’t even open up my thoughts to any other option. As I look back, I think I was quietly and softly being told to leave then, and in my stubbornness, my only thought was God should just change my husband and I was waiting for my prayers to be strong enough to call that change into existence. It took some compelling by the Lord to finally open my mind to the fact that God wasn’t going to just change my husband, that he has his own free agency, and instead I needed to leave.
Here’s the truth about abusers: they CAN change IF they make that choice and IF they get outside help from family, friends, and counseling (I also suggest checking out energy therapy) It is possible, though it’s not a quick fix by any means. If this is the road you and your abuser choose to go down, it may still be safer to leave or ask them to leave for a while during treatment.
Don’t just rely on promises or what appears to be effort, abusers still can woo counselors and other help to make it seem like they are changing when you in fact know they are not. Go with your gut, listen to the promptings in your mind whispering the truth to you. Ask for God (or whoever your higher power may be) and angels to guide you.
In most cases, abusers choose to not change, and often times if they know you are considering leaving or wanting them to change, they will do their best to spin their webs of deception around your mind until you can’t think straight and you believe there is no other life without them. Don’t believe it!
I know how much you may wish and beg and plead for them to change, I know first hand of the fear and panic and danger of leaving. Be strong. Carry on. Do what is right for you and your children.